


Playoff Hockey In Summer Time

by heartequals (savvygambols)



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: #FanficNeedsMoreCale, 2019 Stanley Cup Playoffs, Astrology, Coffee, M/M, Podfic Available, Team as Family, joy, soft feelings and big idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-22
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2020-03-09 11:27:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18916042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/savvygambols/pseuds/heartequals
Summary: “Nice to meet you,” says Cale with a confident smile.Be cool, thinks Ryan. Don’t say anything weird.“What’s your birth date?” is what he comes out with.This is the story of how Ryan Graves gets scratched, a crush, a hashtag, and a shovel talk -- in just one playoff run.





	Playoff Hockey In Summer Time

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hatoyona](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hatoyona/gifts), [Beryllinthranox](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beryllinthranox/gifts).



> this fic has absolutely no basis in reality except that my friends and I thought it would be funny. thank you to the group chat for proofreading.
> 
> the working title of this was “If an Aries falls for a Scorpio, that means they’ll be fireproof” which probably says a lot more than the actual title.

Ryan actually meets Cale second out of the entire team after Calvy.

Danielle and Brendan from PR made Ryan come to a whole meeting -- in the conference room and everything! -- before practice to convince him that he should read horoscopes next year as a recurring video series. He said no. They took that as a maybe. Then they had to end the meeting and rush out of the room because Cale had arrived and they had to do actually important stuff.

Ryan follows them because he’s probably being scratched for the game tomorrow even without Cale arriving and he doesn’t really have anything else to do for a couple hours before practice.

Cale looks a little worried in the lobby as the PR team jog toward him. He’s right to worry, the way Brendan is grinning at him. Calvy stands next to Cale, talking to him quietly, while the rest of PR fuss over him.

Ryan walks over and says, “Hey, I’m Gravy.” He puts his hand out.

Cale looks at him and then at his hand and says, “nah” and pulls him into a hug. Matt laughs out loud and Danielle takes pictures.

Aw, shit, thinks Ryan. The hug is brief and they’re surrounded by people and it’s enough to fall for. Ryan always did have a soft heart for hugs.

“Nice to meet you,” says Cale with a confident smile.

Be cool, thinks Ryan. Don’t say anything weird.

“What’s your birth date?” is what he comes out with. Matt rolls his eyes and Danielle actually gasps with joy. She’s too astute.

“Uh, October 30,” says Cale. His confident smile falters. “Why?”

“Scorpio,” says Ryan, nodding. “I’ve always liked Scorpios.”

“Oh,” says Cale. “That’s, uh. Good? What does that mean?”

“Just that we’ll be friends,” says Ryan. “I get along with Scorpios.”

“Oh,” says Cale again. And then he smiles, confident again. “Looking forward to it.”

Ryan is helplessly, wonderfully screwed.

 

;;

 

Maybe their meet-cute could have gone better and been cooler but on a team with Gabe Landeskog at the helm, it’s not like Ryan was ever going to be the coolest dude in the locker room. The Avs don’t really lead the league in being cool anyway and while Ryan definitely isn’t the least cool on the team, he’s probably near the bottom. He’s okay with that.

“The first thing you said to him was ask him what his star sign is,” says Barbs wearily. Ryan hands him his coffee.

“I panicked,” says Ryan. He sits down next to him. The Starbucks they’re at is empty enough to be private, but has enough people that if they don’t keep their voices down, they’re going to have to have a very uncomfortable conversation with PR.

“You did not panic,” says Barbs. “You asked me the same question. Gravy, we talked about this.”

“Yeah, but that was different because you’re all--” Ryan waves a hand at Barbs’ whole thing “--and Cale hugged me. That was the first thing he did. I panicked.”

“Okay,” says Barbs. He sips his coffee. “I just think you need to work on your approach to people.”

“He didn’t seem that weirded out,” says Ryan, maybe a little too defensive.

“He just signed a contract and will probably be playing tomorrow,” says Barbs. “He’s got a lot on his mind. Give it another week and he’ll figure out what a weirdo you are.”

“Okay, but you don’t think I’m that weird,” says Ryan.

“Buddy, you are the weirdest person on this team,” says Barbs.

“Dammit,” says Ryan. “I was hoping you wouldn’t say that. I just want to be Cale’s friend.”

“And hold his hand,” says Barbs.

Ryan sighs.

“Come on,” says Barbs kindly. “Let’s get out of here and go for a walk. Would it make you feel better to tell me what my rising sign is? I already forgot what it was.”

Ryan brightens. 

 

;;

 

Practice is fun -- practice is always fun -- even though Coach Jared tells him he's being scratched for the next game. Ryan doesn't mind, truly; it's an important series and he can be inconsistent at times. His day will come. Plus, he got to see Cale skate and he agrees that Cale should play. Dude has got moves. Hopefully they put him with Sammy. The two of them could do a lot of damage.

In the dressing room, he hangs out with the rest of the D corps while they all pretend to watch the crowd around Cale's stall instead of Landy taking his shirt off.

A Calgary reporter Ryan doesn't recognize wanders over to Ryan. He's got a blood-in-the-water look on his face.

“So,” says the reporter. “How are you feeling about being a healthy scratch for the team tomorrow?”

Ryan shrugs. “I just want what's best for the team,” he says.

“But to be replaced by Makar?” pushes the reporter, clearly angling for drama.

“He's a superstar in the making,” says Ryan, before he can stop himself from embarrassing himself. It all comes out of him in an earnest rush. “It's a pleasure just to watch him skate. He's going to do great things for this team.”

Ian and Z swing around from where they were trying to get a rise out of Tyson Senior to stare at Ryan.

“Superstar in the making,” says the reporter, eyebrows raised.

“Just wait until you see him skate,” Ryan assures him.

“Huh,” says the reporter, skeptical. He doesn’t believe Ryan. Ryan stares the reporter down until he walks off to go harass Tyson Junior for a scoop.

Ian says, “superstar in the making? Buddy.”

“Am I wrong?” Ryan demands. “Look me in the eyes and tell me I'm wrong.”

Z snorts. “You're not wrong. But you're blushing.”

Ryan touches his cheeks. “Dammit.”

Landy walks over, shirtless and god-like. “You're red,” he says, concerned. “Are you coming down with something?”

“No,” says Ryan quickly. “I'm fine. Don't worry about me.” He tries not to stare at Landy's chest. Gotta keep it professional for the captain.

“Good,” says Landy. “I know it sucks that you're scratched for the game, but keep your head up.”

“Oh, Ryan's not worried about that,” says Ian with a smirk, clearly about to throw Ryan under the bus but Z slaps him in the chest with the back of a hand and he shuts up. Landy doesn’t need to know about Ryan having weird feelings about Cale. He has more important things to worry about.

“Okay,” says Landy. He doesn't look convinced but JT nails Cale in the head with a tape ball in the middle of his press scrum and the whole room descends into chaos after that.

Ryan just hopes it didn't bruise. It would suck if Cale played his first game with a black eye. He’s too nice looking for that to be his NHL debut look.

 

;;

 

Ryan’s getting coffee for the D-man brotherhood before the game when he suddenly realises he doesn’t know Cale’s coffee order.

“Oh no,” he says at the end of reciting his Starbucks order while the barista rings him up. “Oh no!”

“Oh hell no,” says the barista, Sara. She and Ryan are friends when the store isn’t packed with tailgating hipster Avs fans like it is right now. “You did not forget an order.”

“I don’t know an order!” says Ryan, in despair.

“This is why I keep telling you to use the app,” she hisses.

“I forgot!” says Ryan. “And anyway, maybe I like talking to you.”

“Bless your heart,” she says. “Use the app for this next order. I don’t have time to ring this all up again.”

Ryan pays and steps to the side. He texts Calvy, because Calvy has been spending a lot of time with Cale and he’s the only person who might know.

 _I need Cale’s coffee order??_ he says.

Calvy texts him back a number and a _;)_

 _Hi, this is Gravy, is this Cale?_ he texts.

_Hey Gravy! Yeah, this is Cale_

_What’s your coffee order??_

_man you don’t have to buy me coffee just to get my number! But thanks_

Ryan frowns at his phone. This is not a situation he has run into before. Everyone likes free coffee. The team is 40% coffee by volume.

 _I’m buying it for the whole d corps_ , he explains. _It’s a thing!_

 _Oh_ And then: _Black, please_

 _I got you!!_ says Ryan and pulls up the app just as Sara yells “Ryan! Come get your drinks!”

“I have one more,” he tells her as he starts putting coffee trays. “I put in the app.”

“Oh good,” she says. “You’re trainable.”

He smiles apologetically. She rolls her eyes and goes to get Cale’s coffee.

His phone buzzes.

 _Thank you for the coffee_ says Cale. _That’s really nice of you_

 _D-men have to stick together_ Ryan explains. Sara puts Cale’s coffee in front of him. Ryan puts it in the tray and begins the slow, steady process of leaving Starbucks with three trays of coffee and without being noticed by Avs fans.

He’s all the way back to his car and setting the trays on the passenger side floor where they won’t tip over when Cale responds: _You don’t know me though? so it’s great that you’re thinking of me_

 _The D-man brotherhood!_ says Ryan. _We’ll initiate you in Calgary!!_

 _Wait_ says Cale. _What??_

 

;;

 

Cale scores his first goal in his first game on his first shot which is maybe the hottest thing Ryan has ever witnessed. He screams so much in the box with the rest of the healthy and injured scratches that he’s briefly worried he injured his voice. Doesn’t matter though; the Pepsi Can is so loud that if Ryan’s going down, the rest of the beautiful state of Colorado is going down with him. He’s so proud of the guy. That Calgary reporter can suck it.

Ryan takes a sip of water and promptly starts coughing when Nemo slaps his back mid-swallow. The crowd has calmed down -- sort of -- but their box sure as hell hasn’t. “That’s our boy!” Nemo screams.

“Yeah!” Ryan yells back. That is their boy.

The rest of the game passes in a blur but they blow out the Flames spectacularly. Ryan rushes down to the dressing room with the rest of the guys just as the final buzzer even goes off. The dressing room is alive with guys yelling at each other.

“You have fifteen minutes before press!” Brendan yells into the din which shuts them up not at all. 

Ryan goes straight for Cale before anyone else can get to him.

“Beauty,” Ryan says. Cale flushes, or is flushed but flushes more, or maybe he’s just alive and he’s always like that but either way, victory looks good on him.

“Thanks,” says Cale, a little breathless.

Ryan hugs him and Cale hangs on for a moment. “Thanks for the coffee,” he says for maybe the fourth time that day but this time quietly and right next to Ryan’s ear. Or, as quiet as he can get in a dressing room this loud.

“Anytime,” Ryan promises. Cale let go with a smile. 

Nemo shoves Ryan out of the way and punches Cale in the shoulder. “That’s our boy!” he screams. He hasn’t really stopped screaming since Cale’s goal. “Guys!” he bellows at the room, “that’s our boy!”

“Our boy!” half the d-men yell back immediately, loud enough that the rest of the team notices. They cheer when they see Nemo shaking Cale around the shoulders.

“Ten minutes!” Brendan yells and it’s chaos again as the rest of the team descends on Cale to congratulate him properly.

Ryan sort of chills out but not really when press is allowed in and watches as the media pile in around Cale. JT starts throwing more tape balls at Cale and smirking when he hits media members in the head instead. Tyson Senior and EJ start placing bets on how many tries it will take for JT to hit Cale.

Barbs throws an arm around Ryan. “Two down, buddy,” he says. “Two to go.”

Ryan leans against Barbs. “We can do this.”

JT hits the Calgary reporter and laughs out loud.

Ryan loves his team so much he could scream about it.

 

;;

 

Ryan gets scratched for the next game but he’s too keyed up to care. Two games up! They just have to win two more! No way is he gonna be the bad luck that screws up this playoff run!

He and Sam G go out for coffee after practice. Sam got paired with Cale for their next game.

“You guys are going to be so good together,” says Ryan, placing Sam’s macchiato in front of him. “You’re both small.”

“Uh huh,” says Sam. He pushes his tarot deck to the side. “We can’t all be giants like you.”

“Small and speedy! It’s a good thing.” 

“Do you wish it was you?” Sam asks. “Paired with him?”

“No,” says Ryan honestly. “I’m too inconsistent. We can’t have that in the playoffs.”

“But off-ice,” says Sam. “I heard about what you said to that reporter. You like him.”

“Sammy,” says Ryan. “I could have meant that in a friends way.”

Sam sips his macchiato. “No,” he says finally. “You meant it in a crush way.”

“But I could have meant it in a friends way,” says Ryan. “Could have.”

“But you didn’t,” says Sam. “Drink your frappuccino and think about it.”

Ryan drinks his frappuccino and thinks about it.

“Okay,” he says. “I’ll admit that I meant in a crush way. I have a very big crush on Cale and I want to hold his hand. Maybe kiss him? Yes, kiss him. But he hugged me first in a friend way so technically I could be saying those things as a friend.”

“Gravy,” says Sam with a sigh. “What are we going to do with you.”

He picks up his tarot deck, splits it in half and offers half to Ryan. “Pull a card.”

Ryan pulls The Lovers.

“You don’t have to tell me,” says Ryan. Sam has read his cards before, many times. He knows when he’s getting his ass handed to him by Sammy and the universe.

Sam takes the cards and shuffles them before placing them aside. He picks up his macchiato and sips it. “Is it true Danielle and Brendan want you to do horoscope readings next year?” he asks Ryan, an easy out to a mortifying conversation.

“Yes,” says Ryan and they talk about that until it’s time to go home.

 

;;

 

They win their third game in a row and Ryan loses his whole entire mind in the dressing room with the rest of the guys. They’re all sweaty in their gear and he’s all sweaty in his suit and he cannot stop smiling at everyone and everything. Cale played so well and the whole team played so well but Cale especially played well and Ryan is just, filled with joy and love for his team. He only stops yelling in Z’s face about how much he loves Z because the press come in to huddle around Cale and Nate Mac and Mikko and he doesn’t want to end up on an Instagram story.

JT starts throwing tape balls in Cale’s general direction. Apparently he and Josty and Kerf were making them in intermissions during breaks as stress relief.

Sam, half undressed and still in his skates, waddles over and shoves himself between Gravy and Z.

“Gravy got The Lovers,” he tells Z.

“Gravy is a lover,” Z agrees. “Hey Gravy, are you going tell Cale what you said to the reporter?”

“No way,” says Ryan. “That’s too embarrassing, he doesn’t need to hear that.”

“Hmm,” says Z. He looks like he’s considering something, which is horrible, because that means Ryan is going to get his ass handed to him by Z too.

Milo-With-An-I, their photo intern, pauses as he crosses the room and snaps a picture of the three of them crowded together. Mylo-With-A-Y, their social media intern, nudges Danielle when she sees them together.

Sam jumps up before Danielle can get a photo of them looking adorable and post it on Tumblr. He waddles back to his stall but he’s still smiling. Ryan stands up too. He needs a shower but he can do that at home. “See you tomorrow, Z,” says Ryan.

“Calgary,” says Z gleefully. He holds out a fist. 

Ryan bumps it. “Calgary.”

He’s halfway across the dressing room toward the door when Brendan yells, “Press out! We’re done!”

The press around Nate Mac and Mikko disperse. The crowd around Cale takes a little longer to leave, but JT’s tape balls start getting thrown a little less about hitting Cale gently and a lot more about hitting members of the media hard.

Ryan stands aside to let them go out before him and tries not to make eye contact so that he doesn’t have to say anything to them.

“Hey,” says Cale, coming up to him as the last reporter leaves. “How are you?”

“Cale, buddy,” says Ryan, his heart soaring. “We are three games up. I feel great.”

“You’re not mad?”

“Mad about what?”

“Me taking your--oh,” Cale says. The Calgary reporter is lingering by the door, watching them and listening.

“I’m not mad at you or at anything,” Ryan says. He pats Cale on the shoulder. “I’ll see you on the bus?”

“Out!” shrieks Brendan when he sees the Calgary reporter. “I’m not fucking around, William!”

The Calgary reporter leaves.

Ryan waits for Cale to go back to his stall -- mostly so he can be sure the Calgary reporter is really gone from the hallway outside before he leaves -- and watches as Cale takes off his Under Armor.

“Oof,” he says to himself. Cale glances up, sees him watching, and winks.

Ryan hurries out the door, reporter be damned. Cale’s moments of off-ice confidence are going to end him.

 

;;

 

Playing on Calgary’s practice ice again is surreal af. Ryan gets scratched again, which genuinely fine with him -- one more! just one more! no way is he going to screw that up -- and he gets to escort Cale to EJ’s hotel room for D-man initiation. Sam left before them to help set up.

“Is this, um,” says Cale as he and Ryan get in the elevator, “a, uh. Sex thing?”

Ryan stares at him. “No!” he says. He hits the button for the 8th floor. “This is a sacred brotherhood thing.”

“Okay but like, some of my teammates in UMass were in fraternities,” says Cale, biting his lip. “Which is. You know.”

Ryan didn’t go to college so he really doesn’t know, but he doesn’t want to embarass himself or Cale by making Cale explain. He smiles at Cale as comfortingly as he can and they stand in silence kind of smiling at each other until the elevator stops.

“Don’t worry,” says Ryan when they stop in front of EJ’s room. “This is going to be cool.”

EJ opens the door when Ryan knocks. “Gentlemen,” he says seriously.

EJ’s room is very tastefully lit with the bedside lamps only. The rest of the D corps are lounging around on beds or the floor. Ariana Grande is playing in the background because EJ claims to be going through an independent woman phase despite dating maybe the coolest woman on the planet. Ryan thinks EJ just misses his girlfriend while they’re on the road.

“Cale,” says Tyson Senior, climbing off one of the beds. “Welcome.” He places both his hands on Cale’s shoulders, even though Cale is taller than him. “You’re a d-man now.”

Ian pops a bottle of champagne and starts pouring champagne into paper coffee cups.

“You said this wasn’t a sex thing,” says Cale to Ryan, worried.

“No, this is a sacred brotherhood thing,” says Tyson, looking surprised. “Holy shit, dude. Sex thing? No, we’re just welcoming you to the team. Have some champagne.”

Ian passes Cale and Ryan cups of champagne. “Welcome to the NHL, buddy!”

“You could not have put it a weirder way,” says Cale. “Initiation? If it wasn’t a weird sex thing, I thought I was going to be murdered for knocking a third of the d corps out of the line up in the playoffs.”

“Oh honey,” says Tyson. “No one blames you for being good.”

“I could not give less of a shit about being scratched,” says Nemo. “The team comes first. Cheers.”

“Cheers!” the rest of them say and down their drinks.

“Okay,” says EJ. “The D-Man Brotherhood has some rules. Commit these to memory.”

“Uh,” says Cale. “Yes. I will.”

“Number one,” says EJ. “If it doesn’t bother the whole team, don’t bother Landy. He worries lot about the team and he’s got enough on his plate with his forwards. I’m your A, so if you have a personal problem, you can talk to me. Don’t talk to Nate Mac, he doesn’t know what he’s doing. He’s learning slowly but he’s still an idiot.”

Cale nods. “Don’t bother Gabe, talk to you. Got it.”

“Number two,” says EJ. He pauses. “Actually, I don’t have a number two. Just be cool, don’t be a dick, okay? The team is really close and we’ve all got each other’s backs. Obviously, you’re included in that, but you’ve gotta make an effort. We’ve been through some rough shit in the past and we’ve come out stronger than ever. I’d protect these guys with my life and I know they’d do the same. You’re a D-man, you’re part of the D-man brotherhood, and your job is literally to defend the team on the ice, so stand up and protect the team off it too. Do you understand?”

“I’m really proud to be an Av,” says Cale, looking, sounding, and being, Ryan assumes, painfully sincere. “I’m glad I’m here. I won’t be a dick. I know I’m new and I don’t know much about the team, but I’m going to do my best and not let you down.”

“Good man,” says EJ.

“Can we be done with rules?” asks Z. “I want Gravy and Sammy to embarrass him.”

Ian opens another bottle of champagne.

“Go ahead,” says EJ with an eye roll. “Gravy, you first.”

Gravy sits down on the bed and pats the bed next to him. Cale sits down next to him, looking wary.

“First of all,” says Gravy, pulling out his phone. “We’re moving from Aries season to Taurus season and Taurus season is a grounded, sensual season. So if you start feeling strongly about love and your career and sex --”

“Hopefully not all of those things at the same time,” Barbs says.

“--it’s because it’s Taurus season. Anyway, your horoscope for this week. Guys, he’s a Scorpio! Like Mikko! Halloween this year is going to be fire.”

Ryan smiles at Cale. Cale smiles back. He looks a little unsure. Ryan pats Cale’s knee and leaves his hand on his thigh for comfort. It’s thrilling, but Cale doesn’t move away.

“From The Cut, which has the best horoscopes,” says Ryan. “Scorpio during the week of April 15th:

 _When the world seems especially dark, you might be struck by the impulse to hoard everything good in your life — all your ideas, all your money, all your love. It can seem like a good idea to squirrel away everything good that you have, in case you might need it in hard times ahead. The problem, though, is that this stops you from living right now. You can’t know what you’ll need in the future, or how much your cache will eventually be worth. All you can know is that your powers are valuable right now, so use them._ ([x](https://www.thecut.com/2019/04/weekly-horoscopes-for-week-of-april-15-by-the-cut.html))”

“Good horoscope. Your powers are valuable,” says Z thoughtfully. “That goal was sick.”

“Thanks,” says Cale. “This gives me a lot to think about.”

He still sounds sincere. He looks sincere too. Ryan wants to hold his hand so much that he moves his hand off of Cale’s thigh. Touching Cale for comfort might have been a little forward of him, he worries.

“Okay, my turn,” says Sam. He’s sitting cross-legged on the bed behind them. Ryan and Cale turn around. Sam shuffles a deck.

“Are those tarot cards?” asks Cale.

“Yes,” says Sam. He fans them out on the bed. “Here, pull a card.” 

Cale slides a card out of the pile. “Uh, Death?” he says, blanching. “Am I going to die?”

“No,” says Sam kindly. “Well, probably not. Not yet, anyway.” He takes the card and looks at it. “Change,” he says. “Not good or bad. Things are changing for you. Big changes. Little changes. All sorts of changes. Stay present and don’t worry about where you end up after this, just know that things are changing for you right now.”

“That’s true,” says Cale. “I did just sign an NHL contract. And they want me to move in with Matt. And I don’t really know what I’m doing or what’s happening to me most of time. And I still have to take my finals remotely next month.”

“Ayyyy,” says Tyson. “Good boy. Finish that college education.”

Cale is a smart man, thinks Ryan. Ryan’s not even sure he completed high school in the Q but Cale got almost all the way through through two years of college and he’s going to keep going. That’s so cool.

“Okay,” says Barbs, “Cale, bro, you took that way too nicely so we’ve gotta embarrass you some other way.”

“This is the gentlest hazing I’ve ever been part of,” Cale says. “I wasn’t expecting Ariana Grande and witchcraft.”

“Hmm,” says EJ, sipping his champagne, raising his eyebrows.

Ian and Z look at each other and then smirk at Ryan.

“Graaavy,” Ian drawls. “You’re up. Again.”

“Oh no,” says Ryan.

“Oh yes,” says Z. “Do it. It’s team bonding.”

“Come on, guys,” says Ryan. “I don’t--come on. That’s not fair.”

“Gravy,” says Ian, neatly humiliating Ryan in a way that he was unable to when Landy was around and would worry about them, “tell Cale what you said about him to that Calgary reporter.”

Ryan was to curl up inside himself and die. It’s one thing to say it to a reporter he doesn’t remember the name of and who is not going to matter by next season unless he joins The Athletic. It’s another thing altogether to have to say it to Cale’s face. He puts his face in his hands and mumbles his compliments.

“What was that?” says Ian, with a wicked grin.

“Cale, you’re a superstar in the making,” says Ryan. He puts his hands in his lap. His face is bright red, he knows. “It’s a pleasure to watch you skate and you’re going to do great things for this team.”

“Oh,” says Cale. He laughs, but it’s not mean.

Ryan glances at him. Cale is bright red too, but he’s smiling. “Thank you,” says Cale to him.

“Someone put Gravy out of his misery,” says Tyson, laughing. “He looks like he’s got the vapors.”

“You’re all dismissed from this successful initiation,” says EJ. “We have a game tomorrow. Get some rest. Cale: welcome to the team.”

They exit EJ’s room, after hugging it out. Ryan’s room with Barbs is on the same floor as Sam and Cale, so they ride down together. Barbs goes back to their room across the hall, already stripping his shirt off and Sam disappears into the one he shares with Cale, whispering in French to his cards.

“Hey,” says Cale, right before Ryan goes into his room. Ryan turns around. Cale looks both nervous and confident and it’s a weird mix. But he says, “Ryan. I mean it. Thanks. You’re really, like. You’re really helping me out and it’s nice.”

“Yeah,” says Ryan. “What are teammates for?”

Cale hesitates and then darts across the hall. He kisses Ryan on the cheek and then escapes to his room.

Ryan touches his cheek as the door to Cale and Sam’s room shuts. He grins to himself.

 

;;

 

They beat Calgary in game five.

They. Beat. Calgary. In. Game. Five.

The joy Ryan felt when they were three up is nothing compared to literal tears of euphoria that he is trying not to cry as he and the rest of the scratches run down to the dressing room.

“Press in twenty!” Brendan yells when they tumble through the door, but Ryan can barely hear him over the sound of the team celebrating.

He finds Cale first, he has to. Cale is standing alone next to his stall, looking a little shell-shocked.

“Cale!” Ryan yells and skids to a stop in front of him. He throws open his arms. “We did it!”

He doesn’t even notice Milo-With-An-I taking pictures until it’s too late. Cale flings himself into Ryan’s arms, apparently doesn’t notice Milo-With-An-I at all. “We did it,” he says, sorta shouts, into Ryan’s ear. “We did it!”

Ryan hugs Cale tight, even though he’s still in his pads and sweaty and beautiful. “We did it,” he says breathlessly.

Cale knocks their foreheads together. “Thank you,” he says, sorta whispers. “I couldn’t do it without you, like, believing in me so much.”

“I’m here for you,” says Ryan quietly. He can’t stop smiling. They beat Calgary in five.

“Press in fifteen!” Brendan yells. Cale lets go and steps away only for Z to put him in a headlock and ruffle his hair and scream into his ear about how proud he is of his boy.

Ryan grins and goes to thank Grubi for being the GOAT.

 

;;

 

Ryan’s pretty sure he has better things to do in their days off while the team waits to see who they’re playing in the next round but there’s only so many protein shakes a guy can drink before he wants a steak.

 _Hey do you want to get dinner with me?_ he asks Cale before he loses his nerve. _I want a steak and I don’t feel like eating alone today._

 _yeah for sure!_ says Cale. _when? Right now?_

 _Yeah if it’s okay with mom and dad_ says Ryan because it’s funny as hell that Cale lives with the Calverts now even if he is kinda jealous.

 _Shut up_ says Cale. And then: _I’ll ask_

Less than minute later, he responds with _They said it’s fine. come get me? I don’t have a car yet_

Ryan grabs his car keys. _k be there soon_

 _is this a date?_ Cale asks. Ryan chokes on air and drops his car keys on the floor.

He stares at his phone, coughing. He has to come up with something fast, because he’s sent that text message to other people and waiting for a response is hell, but his brain is static.

He ends up with _It’s Taurus season! You feel strongly about love this week right?_

Then he almost throws his phone across the room because he’s such a moron and follows it up with _I want it to be_

 _Good, me too_ , says Cale. _See you soon_

Ryan goes upstairs to change into cleaner jeans.

 

;;

 

Courtney Calvert answers the door with a pleasant smile. “Ryan,” she says.

“Hi Courtney,” says Ryan. “I’m here to pick up Cale.”

Courtney says, “I want you to know, Ryan, that I have only known Cale for less than a week but if you break his heart, I will beat you to death with a shovel.”

Ryan says, “uh, oh my god, okay, I promise I’ll be nice to him?”

Courtney pats his cheek. “Take good care of my boy,” she says.

“Ahhh?” says Ryan. He’s never gotten a shovel talk before. He’s scared to death. He stands before Courtney, who is shorter than him by a foot, and fears for his life.

Courtney grins suddenly. “How’d I do?”

“What?” says Ryan, heart racing.

“I’ve always wanted to give a shovel talk, but my children are too young, so I thought I would practice on you with Cale,” she says brightly. “Are you scared?”

“Terrified,” says Ryan. He takes a deep breath. “You’re not actually going to kill me, right?”

“Oh no,” she says. “Maybe just maim you a little bit. Matt will help though.”

This does not reassure Ryan at all, but Cale appears in the doorway. “Thanks for getting the door Courtney,” he says. He hugs her. “I’ll be back. Ryan, are you all right? You look kind of pale. We don’t have to go to dinner if you don’t feel well.”

“Haha,” says Ryan. “Uh, I’m fine. Let’s go. Nice to see you Courtney.”

They go down the porch steps. Ryan turns around. Courtney makes the universal sign for “I’m looking at you and I will hurt you if you hurt him so mind your goddamn manners.”

They go to Ryan’s favorite steak place. They get placed in the back, in a dark corner, probably because five separate sets of fans congratulate them loudly while they’re waiting for a table.

While they’re looking at their menus, Ryan’s phone buzzes with a message from Barbs. _check the official twitter_ Barbs says, with a couple of laugh-crying emojis. Cale is looking at his own phone, frowning. “Sammy just told me to check Twitter?” he says.

They open up Twitter on Ryan’s phone since Cale can’t remember his password. “Oh,” says Cale.

Mylo-With-A-Y and Danielle posted photos of the guys celebrating after winning Game 5 on the Avalanche twitter. Two of the photos are pretty harmless: Tyson Junior jumping into JT’s arms on ice, both of them screaming, Landy and Mikko high-fiving in the hallway. They also posted a photo of Ryan in front of Cale, arms wide open, Cale with a smile big enough to split his face.

 _JOY._ is the caption.

 _#GravyNeedsMoreCale_ is the hashtag Ian has helpfully commented with. It has 69 likes so far.

“Nice,” they both say at once.

“They better not make this a thing,” says Ryan, scrolling. “Oh, damn, nevermind, Danielle already retweeted Ian’s comment.”

“Victory looks good on us,” says Cale with a small smile.

“It does,” says Ryan, nodding. He sets his phone aside, picks up his menu, and then changes his mind. “Do you want to get out of here? I can make steak at home. It’s the company, you know? Not the food.”

“Yeah,” says Cale. “I know.”

They leave.

 

;;

 

“Wait, wait, wait,” says Tyson Senior. He’s helping Ryan get coffee before the game. They’re in Ryan’s favorite Starbucks in San Jose, Ryan is feeling hopeful for his future, it’s nice outside, and it’s nice of Tyson to help Ryan even if he is giving Ryan shit. It’s Bring Your Forwards Coffee Day, so Ryan can use all the help he can get. “You didn’t sleep with him? You didn’t even kiss him? Or hold his hand? You just ate steak and hung out for four hours until Courtney called you up and told you that if Cale missed his midnight curfew, she was going to bury you alive in her backyard?”

“I don’t put out on the first date,” says Ryan, frowning.

“Yeah, but you guys have a connection,” says Tyson. “Like, a love connection. Everyone sees it. Hashtag Gravy Needs More Cale.”

“Yeah, I know, but it’s still inappropriate to put out on the first date,” says Ryan. Thank God they’re in San Jose where no one recognizes them and they can talk freely in the middle of the cafe as they wait for coffee. “I just don’t want to pressure, uh, him, into anything.”

They’re still avoiding names though, just in case. 

“Gravy, baby,” says Tyson. “You couldn’t pressure that guy into shit. He’s got a mind of his own. He’s nervous around you but get him alone with anyone else and it becomes obvious that the only reason he looks and acts the way he does around you is because he thinks the world of you. Love. Connection. It’s Taurus season, right? Time to get sensual!”

“Okay, but,” says Ryan, “we’ve only known each for like two weeks.”

“Greater men have fallen for less,” says Tyson. “Two weeks is a lifetime in hockey years.”

“I just don’t want to screw this up by moving too fast,” says Ryan. “I don’t want to distract him in the most important games of our careers so far.”

“Dude, even if you were on the ice with him, you wouldn’t be able to distract him from playing and you know it. He’s too focused on the game and winning. You’re running out of excuses, bro.”

“I just really like him and I barely know him,” says Ryan.

“Ryan! Fourteen for you!” yells the barista. Tyson and Ryan step forward to the bar.

“Thanks Fiona,” says Ryan. “I appreciate your hard work as always.”

“Wish Californians were as polite as you, babe,” says Fiona. She knows who he but she’s not a snitch. “Good luck tonight.”

Ryan and Tyson pick up their trays of coffee and head out the door, back to the hotel.

“I just think there’s no such thing as too fast in playoff hockey,” says Tyson.

“You’re probably right,” says Ryan with a sigh. “I’ll talk to him after this series.”

“Attaboy,” says Tyson. “Hey, is it true that Danielle and Brendan want you to do a horoscope series next year?”

 

;;

 

They lose to the Sharks in their first game and it’s miserable. They don’t lose as badly as they did to Calgary in the first round -- it’s not a shut-out, at least -- and the dressing room isn’t quite as mad as they were in the first round, but Coach Jared still waits until all the scratches are in the room so he can lecture them all at once. Ryan has always appreciated that Coach Jared doesn’t yell or even get that mad, but man does he hate to disappoint the guy. They’ll play better in the next game -- they have to.

He sits next to Cale instead of Barbs on the bus ride back to the hotel. Cale looks depressed, which is fair, because this is the first game he’s lost in his NHL career so far.

“There’s six games left,” says Ryan.

“I know,” says Cale. He leans his head against the window.

“We got this,” says Ryan. He nudges Cale. “Hey. We got this, okay?”

“I hope we get to play together next year,” says Cale. “I mean, I love the D-man brotherhood and every guy in it, but I want to play with you sometime.”

“We will,” says Ryan. He’s confident about that, if nothing else. His time will come and it will intersect with Cale’s. He’s reasonably sure it won’t come during this playoff run, but it will come. Maybe next season.

“Okay,” says Cale. “Good.” He looks young, but Ryan feels younger when he realizes he can’t make this first loss better for Cale. 

He bumps his shoulder against Cale’s again and this time, he leaves it there.

 

;;

 

They win their second game against San Jose -- San Jose, on home ice! that’s where they’re at the peak of their powers! -- and Ryan is the first one down into the dressing room.

No one is yelling, but the room is buzzing. They’re hopeful, he thinks. Everyone is so tired but everyone is hopeful.

He goes straight for Cale, of course. No one bothers them because everybody is too busy being hopeful and slapping each other on the back and doing complicated high-fives and smiling at each other. “Hey,” he says to Cale. “I’m proud of you.”

“You should be proud of all of us,” says Cale.

“I mean, I am,” says Ryan. “I’m proud of this whole team. I’m so proud of this whole team that I feel like my heart will burst out of my chest. We’re the greatest team in the world and I’m so proud of us. But I’m proud of you too.”

“Ten minutes to press!” Brendan yells.

“Thanks,” says Cale. “I’m proud of you too. Sometimes we can hear you cheering all the way down on the ice.”

“Really?”

“For real,” says Cale. “When Long Beach Native Matt Nieto scored that goal, we could hear you, all of you guys, from the ice. It was really cool.”

“That’s awesome,” says Ryan. “I’m glad I’m doing my part. Gotta keep everyone’s spirits up.”

Cale reaches out and touches Ryan’s arm. “You do so much for this team,” says Cale.

Ryan smiles. Hope, hope, hope. This series is theirs.

“Do you want to get dinner when we’re home?” Ryan asks.

“Yeah,” says Cale. “When we get home.”

Home -- Denver is already home for him. It took Ryan a solid two months to adjust to Colorado after New York.

“Not on a game night,” says the newly christened Dad Matt and holy wow, Ryan did not even notice him standing there. Is he protecting Cale’s honor? Does he think Ryan is going to do something terrible to Cale? Ryan is not a bad guy. Ryan is doing his best.

“Calvy, don’t crush their crush,” says EJ, walking past them on his way to harass Grubi, probably. “Hashtag Gravy Needs More Cale.”

“Not on a game night,” Ryan agrees. “But maybe lunch, after practice?”

“Sounds good,” says Cale.

Dad Matt moves away with a nod. Ryan pats Cale’s shoulder and moves off to congratulate Tyson Senior.

 

;;

 

Ryan and Cale arrange to meet at a small cafe in downtown Denver. It’s cold out, but Ryan still bundled up so he can sit outside. He keeps his sunglasses on in case someone recognizes him even though it’s not a game day. But mostly he breathes in the fresh air and tries to relax. He’s spending so much time on planes and in hotels these days; he needs some cold, clean air. He reads his horoscope for the week while he’s waiting:

_Aries: Maybe there’s a complicated truth you keep trying to outrun, or ignore, or convince yourself isn’t relevant anyway. Maybe there’s a feeling deep in your stomach — love, or anger, or sorrow — that you’re still trying to wish away. This week, finally, try letting yourself know exactly what you know. Try letting yourself feel exactly what you feel, without pretending it’s less than it is. It won’t destroy you. If you need to make a change, you can do it with your eyes open and your heart full. What is all your golden courage for, if not times like this? ([x](https://www.thecut.com/2019/04/weekly-horoscopes-for-the-week-of-april-29-by-the-cut.html))_

Ryan thinks, is it anger over being scratched that he’s feeling? But he really isn’t mad about that! He knows his place and his worth and he feels okay about being scratched. Is it sorrow that they lost their first game and all he had to offer to his team was coffee and cheering from the box? But that’s just the way of things in his life as it stands and if he can’t play, then coffee and losing his voice screaming has to be enough. And all of the D-man brotherhood tells him it is and he believes them.

Must be love then. That sucks. Ryan doesn’t want to think about being in love. He’s young and he’s tired and he’s hopeful for the team and he’s got so much going on right now that he doesn’t want to think about being in love because that would be wrench in his gears that he wouldn’t know how to retrieve. But Taurus season wants him to feel his sensual feelings so he digs deep inside himself and tries to accept it.

“Hey,” says Cale. He slides into the chair across from Ryan. He doesn’t have sunglasses on, his cheeks and nose are flushed red from the cold, his beanie is pulled all the way over his head, his collar is turned up to cover the parts of his neck that aren’t covered by a thick scarf. His eyes are dark blue and he’s smiling. “Why are you out here? It’s freezing.”

I can’t love him, Ryan thinks, looking at him and feeling a swell of affection. I haven’t even known him for a month. That’s too soon to fall in love.

“My horoscope says to accept my feelings of anger and sorrow and love,” he tells Cale.

“Oh,” says Cale. “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”

“I don’t know,” Ryan admits.

“What does mine say?” asks Cale.

Ryan scrolls down and reads aloud:

“ _Scorpio: Sometimes, the safest way toward the thing you want most is not the straight but rather the crooked path, the sidestep, the back door. This week, though, you might be better served by walking straight toward your desires, asking for them by name, letting the world know precisely what it is that you’re seeking. You know your own body, and your own needs, and the distance between where you are and where you should be. Acting with straightforwardness will help you to cross that distance, and it won’t dull the sharp secret intensity of your feelings, either. ([x](https://www.thecut.com/2019/04/weekly-horoscopes-for-the-week-of-april-29-by-the-cut.html))_”

Cale thinks about that for a minute. “You want to get out of here?” he asks, with that confident smile that is going to ruin Ryan. “Go back to your place?”

“Yeah,” says Ryan. He stands up. “Let’s go.”

Cale stands up and doesn’t even hesitate when he takes Ryan’s hand. They walk back to Ryan’s car like that, holding hands, like it’s effortless, like it’s the most effortless thing in the world, like this is how it should be.

 

;;

 

They lose on home ice, which is always the worst feeling, and Couture gets a hat trick to top off a wretched loss.

The dressing room is subdued. Ryan doesn’t even try to lift anyone’s spirits; Cale got an assist and he still looks like someone kicked his dog, if he had one. Matt talks to him, bent over as if to protect Cale from the rest of the team, which is stupid because no one blames Cale. Ryan leaves them to it and sits quietly next to Barbs. He feels helpless and he doesn’t like the feeling.

“Press for Landeskog and MacKinnon only,” says Brendan after Coach Jared gets through lecturing them. It’s a short lecture but the room gets even quieter, somehow. Brendan doesn’t have to yell. “The rest of you are free to hit the showers.”

A couple of guys hang back to support Landy and Nate Mac but Ryan follows the rest of them to the locker room.

Cale strips methodically. It’s weird that he isn’t angry, but now that Ryan’s seen him lose twice, he’s kind of getting the idea that Cale is the type to internalize a loss.

“Hey,” he says. Cale looks up from where he’s taking off his pants.

“Hey,” says Cale. He looks so tired.

“Do you need a hug or to be left alone?” Ryan asks.

“I want both,” says Cale. “Or maybe neither. I don’t know. I don’t know if I want those things.” 

Cale is frustrated, Ryan realizes, not depressed. But Cale is only frustrated with himself. He’s frustrated for the same reasons Ryan is frustrated: the feeling of not doing enough, the feeling of wanting to be better, the feeling of not knowing whether you’re helping or hindering, the feeling that everything is going wrong because you just aren’t good enough.

Oh jeeze, Ryan is going to get up in his feelings tonight.

“Okay,” says Ryan. “I’m going home. I’ll see you tomorrow at practice.”

“Can I come with you?” says Cale.

“Is it okay with Dad Matt?” asks Ryan.

“It’s only for a little bit,” says Cale. “I’ll be back by curfew. I’ll take a Lyft home or something. I just want to be with you.”

“I can drive you back,” says Ryan.

“Okay,” says Cale. “Thanks.”

He strips off the rest of his gear and then his Under Armor, grabs a towel, and heads into the showers.

Dad Matt accepts that Cale is going home with Ryan for a little bit, with the frankly terrifying warning that if Ryan doesn’t get Cale back home by curfew with his honor intact, he won’t stop Courtney dismembering him. Ryan promises that he won’t even think about Cale in an inappropriate way.

“We’re friends,” he says. “That’s all.”

Dad Matt raises an eyebrow. “Hashtag Gravy Needs More Cale,” he says. “But I trust you.”

The drive home is quiet. Ryan doesn’t play music, just lets the silence carry them back to his home. When he pulls into the garage of his building and parks, they sit together in the parking garage for a second.

“This isn’t a sex thing,” Ryan says. He’s laying down that rule right now.

“I don’t want it to be,” says Cale. “I just want--can we just go sit on your couch or something?”

Up in Ryan’s apartment, Cale kicks off his shoes and flops on Ryan’s couch while Ryan makes them tea. Ryan sets their mugs of tea on the coffee table and sits down next to him. He maneuvers Cale so that Cale is flush and comfortable against his chest. He pulls a blanket over them and wraps his arms around Cale underneath. They’re both still wearing their game day suits, though they took their jackets off.

“I’m not used to being the little spoon,” says Cale. He tips his head against Ryan’s shoulder. “It’s weird.”

“Get used to it,” says Ryan. “I’m taller.” He pushes his face against Cale’s hair. He smells like the shampoo that the whole team uses at the rink at the rink because Landy buys it in bulk. It’s floral, but not in an old person way. Cale will probably shower again when he gets home though. Ryan definitely will later, after he takes Cale home.

“I’m not used to people asking me on dates either,” says Cale. “Usually I do that.”

“Again,” says Ryan against his head, “get used to it.” He’ll stop asking Cale on dates when Cale asks him to stop.

“I’m trying,” says Cale. “It’s nice, it’s just weird.” He sighs and looks at Ryan. His nose brushes Ryan’s cheek. “Ryan, what if we don’t make it?”

“Then we try again next year,” says Ryan. It’s so much easier to feel positive with his arms around Cale. It’s so much easier to remember to be hopeful, when Cale puts his hands over Ryan’s wrists under the blanket and turns Ryan’s hands over so he can twine his fingers with Ryan’s.

It’s just easier with Cale there. It’s too early to fall in love, but it’s easier with Cale.

 

;;

 

They shut out the Sharks at home to tie the series. Ryan thinks, part of the way through losing his voice over EJ’s goal, that for all that he’s studied hockey, for all that he knows the game through and through, for all that he knows everything happens for a purpose, for all that hockey is not just a game of random moving parts, hockey really is still a game of chaos, so hail Gritty amen. He and the rest of the guys sprint down to the dressing room right after the buzzer sounds.

“Sweet assist on Nate Mac,” he says, breathless, to Cale.

“I could literally hear you screaming from the bench,” says Cale. He looks so proud, so tired, and so happy. Ryan can’t even fathom how good he’s going to look at training camp in the fall and the thought is so overwhelming that he can only hug Cale quickly and leave him alone to be bullied by Ian and Z. He moves away to yell joyfully at EJ for representing the members of the D-man brotherhood who aren’t Tyson Barrie, Cale Makar, and Philipp Grubauer.

Coach Jared does not lecture them. Coach Jared is proud of them for not letting themselves get too into their losing feelings like they tend to do during the regular season. “Don’t get cocky,” he says. “But I think we can get them.”

The dressing room cheers and it’s just noise all the way through Brendan’s countdown of when press will be allowed in.

Ryan hangs out to support EJ and Long Beach Native Matt during their press scrums. Barbs sits with him.

“How’s Hashtag Gravy Needs More Cale?” Barbs asks him quietly. Ryan punches him in the side. “Not here,” he hisses.

“Heard from Dad Matt that you’ve been--”

“Barbs, not here, I swear to God,” says Ryan. “Any of these guys could hear.” Like, yeah, they’re across the room, but it’s still super quiet so that the reporters and cameras can pick up every word that EJ and Long Beach Native Matt say.

Sam comes into the dressing room, back in his game day suit. “So I heard from Dad Matt,” he begins.

“Shh,” says Ryan.

“Press out!” yells Brendan. “Everybody out!” He doesn’t need to yell, but post-season scrums are big and pushy and he’s clearly getting tired of corralling media. Gravy needs to remember to send him an Edible Arrangement when their run is over, which hopefully won’t be until June.

The minute the press leaves Sam and Barbs turn on him. “Dad Matt said Cale’s been spending a lot of time with you,” says Barbs.

“Dad Matt says Cale is always happy when he comes home from your house,” says Sam.

“So,” says Barbs. “Buddy. What’s going on.”

The team has no secrets and the D-man brotherhood especially does not keep secrets from each other but Ryan kinda wishes they did because the truth is pretty embarrassing. “We aren’t having sex if that is what you’re asking,” he says. “We just hang out.”

“What base?” demands EJ and Ryan startles because he didn’t even notice him coming over. EJ is still in the process of taking off his pads and everything, but he has time to get up in Ryan’s business. He’s an A so he knows how to multitask.

“The nothing base,” says Ryan, trying to look nonchalant. He probably just looks like a idiot. “What base is that?”

“Bro, what is the damn hold up?” ask Barbs. “You guys are clearly crazy for each other.”

“Even Landy was asking me about you two,” says EJ. “And he’s usually too busy to notice when people fall in love.”

“We haven’t even know each other for a full month!” says Ryan. “We can’t be in love. It’s too soon.”

“Playoff hockey runs at a different time than regular season hockey,” says Sam. “And regular season hockey runs at a different time than summer time. Three playoff weeks is years in summer time.”

“Listen to our wise little witch,” says EJ. “Time has no meaning in the playoffs. There’s only right now and tomorrow.”

Ryan rubs his hands over his face. “I guess,” he says.

EJ looks at him, then at Barbs and Sam. He nods at them and they get up, slapping Ryan on the back to comfort him.

“Come on, Gravy, it’ll be okay,” says EJ once they’re gone. “Let me shower and then we can get coffee and you can tell Daddy EJ all about it.”

“That’s gross,” says Ryan with a grimace, but he gets up and follows EJ to the locker room.

 

;;

 

They lose to the Sharks in San Jose. The Sharks are up three games to two. The locker room is so frustrated, not with each other but with the game, that they’re barely speaking. Even Z has shut up and is glaring at his skates.

“Don’t let this get to your heads,” says Coach Jared, firm and sure. “We have two more games. We can push this to game seven.”

Ryan develops a killer headache on the bus back to the hotel even though Coach Jared said not to let it go to his head. He goes back to his room with Barbs, changes into jeans and a t-shirt, and curls up on his bed, on top of the bedspread.

“EJ is hosting cheer-up strip poker in his room,” says Barbs, looking up from his phone. He’s sitting cross-legged in his boxers with no shirt on. “You wanna come? Looks like most of the forwards are gonna be there.”

“Bro, if you lose one round, you’re already naked,” Ryan says.

“Maybe I want to be naked,” says Barbs.

“I’ll pass,” says Ryan. “I have a headache.”

Barbs gets off the bed, digs through his suitcase, and then tosses a bottle of Advil at Ryan. Ryan catches it with one hand but doesn’t move.

“Graaavy,” says Barbs. “Two games. We can do this. Come watch Tyson Junior do a strip tease.”

Ryan flaps a hand at him. “Go,” says Ryan. “I’ll be fine. I just need to sleep it off.”

Barbs gets him a glass of water before he leaves. Ryan swallows two Advil and curls up tighter.

Someone knocks on the door. “Hey Gravy,” says Cale. “Can I come in?”

Ryan drags himself off of the bed to let Cale in.

“You look terrible,” says Cale but he doesn’t look that great either. A little lost.

Ryan cups his cheek and says, “sorry. I’ll be back to normal by tomorrow.” He turns around and sits on the bed.

Cale follows him into the room and sits on the bed next to him. “Two more, Gravy. We’re the Avalanche. We’ll pull through.”

Ryan lies on his back and stares at the ceiling. God, his head hurts. 

After a moment, Cale lies down next to him, propped up on one elbow so he can card a hand through Ryan’s hair. Strangely, it doesn’t make his headache worse.

“I just feel so useless,” says Ryan, closing his eyes. Cale running his hand through Ryan’s hair feels nice. “I can’t help up in the box. I know I’d be even worse on the ice, I know I would choke, but it stills feel like I could do more.”

Cale brushes Ryan’s hair against his forehead. “I could hear you cheering for Josty.”

“Wait,” says Ryan, opening his eyes. “The entire arena was booing. You heard us?”

“Yeah,” says Cale. “You guys were so freaking loud. You and our like, four fans in San Jose. You guys were so loud. It wasn’t like the Pepsi Can, but you should have seen Josty’s smile when he was back on the bench. We all heard you.”

“That’s good,” says Ryan.

“It made me feel better,” says Cale. “It made me think we could pull through because you guys had our backs. The team doesn’t start and end with the bench, I know, but sometimes I forget during games, because I’m playing so hard. But I heard you guys screaming for Josty and I thought, like. We could pull through.”

“We didn’t, though,” says Ryan.

“Yeah, we did lose, didn’t we?” says Cale. “That sucks. But I just keep thinking, we can do it. We’ll push it to seven games. Even in the third period when it went to shit, I was thinking about how loud you guys were and how we can do it.”

“How are you so positive?” says Ryan. His headache is receding.

“This is only the third NHL game I’ve lost,” says Cale. “And we made it further in the playoffs than last year. We’re going places. It’s only going to get better from here.”

He leans down and kisses Ryan on the forehead.

“Man, I--” says Ryan, but he doesn’t know how to finish that sentence so he lifts an arm. Cale tucks himself underneath Ryan’s arm.

“It’s still weird being cuddled by someone taller than me,” says Cale. “I’m 6’1", this has never happened to me before.”

“Oh, dude,” says Ryan. He smiles. “It’s only going to get better from here.”

Cale presses his face against Ryan’s neck and they stay like that until Barbs comes back in, shirtless, and literally screams with joy when he sees them on the bed.

“Bye,” says Cale, jumping up and bolting around Barbs to the door. “See you on the plane tomorrow.”

Barbs says, once the door slams shut behind Cale, “Gravy, tell me everything.”

Ryan throws an arm over his eyes and groans.

 

;;

 

Landy scores in OT and Ryan actually does lose his voice from screaming. The buzzer has hardly sounded when he and the rest of the guys are sprinting down the halls of the Pepsi Can to get to the dressing room.

Landy comes into the dressing room last because PR makes him talk to a national reporter when he’s barely off the ice. The entire dressing room explodes with noise when he enters. He grins at them, handsome, confident, overwhelmed, and red-faced.

Tyson Senior starts a chant of “Lan-dy! Lan-dy! Lan-dy!” until he’s got the rest of the team going. Landy gestures at them to stop, but he’s still grinning. He gets buried in hugs and no one stops yelling until Coach Jared whistles at them to shut up.

Coach Jared’s speech is short. “Let’s keep this up,” he says with a smile. The room explodes again.

“20 minutes to press!” shouts Brendan.

Ryan hugs Landy so hard that Landy has to punch him in the stomach to make him let go. He kisses Landy on the top of his head as loudly and embarrassing as he can. Z knocks Ryan out of the way with an elbow to do the same.

Ryan wanders over to Cale, who is being harassed by Sam and EJ. They already had their turn yelling in Landy’s face and they looks so, so happy.

“I told you,” Cale says to Ryan. “I told you we’d push it to seven.”

“You were right,” says Ryan.

“One more,” says Sam. He looks so joyful that he could float away. “One more and we’ve proved everyone wrong.”

“Doesn’t matter what anyone has ever said about us,” says EJ, shaking his head. “Doesn’t matter what they’ll say about us in the future. All that matters is this team.”

He opens his arms. They hug it out in a group.

“Also,” EJ adds, letting go, “what’s this I heard about you two cuddling in the hotel room when you could have been playing strip poker with the rest of us?”

“I had a headache?” says Ryan, who can’t even get mad at EJ for being a douche, because Ryan is so happy and EJ is smiling a huge toothless grin.

“I just wanted a hug,” says Cale, shrugging.

Sam wraps his arms around Cale. Cale leans against him and grins at Ryan, eyes sparkling.

Ryan smiles and smiles and smiles.

 

;;

 

They’re back in San Jose for game seven. Ryan and Cale go to his favorite Starbucks by themselves. Dad Matt threatens to tell Courtney if they’re late to team dinner. It gives them about a half hour alone at the cafe. Ryan sets an alarm because he doesn’t want Courtney to murder him.

“Oh, babe,” says Fiona, when she places their drinks on the counter, “this your boy?”

“Yeah,” says Ryan. Cale looks over at him, open-mouthed. Ryan ducks his head and smiles.

“You two are cute,” says Fiona. “You want a free cookie? We’re closing in a half hour and I don’t care anymore.”

“Sure,” says Ryan. He’s not playing tomorrow, he can afford to indulge.

They split the cookie sitting outside. Ryan think it’s only polite to get out of the building while Fiona and the other baristas are cleaning up and kicking everyone else out. The cookie is shaped like a star and has yellow sprinkles.

Cale’s wearing sunglasses that make him look cool. “Game seven,” he says. “EJ said not to think about what might happen. He said to just live in the moment. I think he’s been talking to Willy about mindfulness.”

“EJ doesn’t need mindfulness lessons,” says Ryan. “He’s already zen on his own, sort of. In a shit-stirring way. You know?”

“Yeah, I know what you mean,” says Cale. “But it’s not a bad idea to stay present. I keep thinking, like, what if, what if, what if, and then I get distracted. So I’m trying to just remember to take it one moment at time.”

He takes a bite of his half of the cookie. Ryan closes his eyes briefly, but Cale can’t tell because he’s also got sunglasses on.

“What’s your horoscope say this week?” Cale asks.

Ryan puts down his half of the cookie and pulls his phone out of his pocket. He hasn’t read it yet this week because he’s been so busy.

_”When your heart is this bright with ambition, it can be easy to recognize tools and maps and instructions, and harder to recognize the world’s pure gifts. There are pleasures in dreaming of places out beyond the mountains, but there are pleasures in the place that you stand right now, too. This week, you might be surprised by the sweetness of knowing exactly where you stand, knowing every tree on your street, every line on your skin, every note of the song on the radio. You might be surprised at the small, earthly magic that happens when you pay attention to your own earthly life. ([x](https://www.thecut.com/2019/05/weekly-horoscopes-for-the-week-of-may-6-by-the-cut.html))"_

He puts his phone down and stares at it. He feels like a tidal wave of understanding is crashing on top of him. Earthly magic. Earthly life. He can’t stop ignoring himself.

“Earthly magic?” says Cale. He breaks off an arm of his star and sprinkles scatter across the table. He brushes them off. “What do you think that means?”

Ryan takes off his sunglasses so he can see how Cale really looks in the California sunshine. He’s handsome and beautiful and smiling at Ryan and he’s everything Ryan has ever wanted and Ryan cannot stop ignoring himself anymore. 

“Hey,” Ryan says. “I think I know where I stand.”

“Oh yeah?” says Cale, interested. “Where do you stand?”

“Can I kiss you?” Ryan asks. “That’s where I stand.”

Cale puts down his cookie and takes off his sunglasses. “Yeah,” he says.

Ryan kisses him. Cale tastes like sugar cookie which would be gross with anyone else but Ryan’s going to enjoy this moment for the rest of his life. He bites on Cale’s lip gently and Cale sighs into the kiss.

Ryan pulls away but not far. He touches his forehead against Cale’s. Cale closes his eyes. “I met you less than a month ago,” Ryan says.

Cale quirks the side of his mouth. “Time passes differently during playoff hockey,” he says.

Ryan kisses him again until their 30 minute alarm goes off and they have to go back to the hotel for dinner.

Dad Matt raises an eyebrow at Cale’s sun-and-kiss flushed face and Ryan’s stupid grin but he doesn’t comment on it.

 

;;

 

Nate goes down so badly against the boards in the first that Brendan has to stop them from running down to medical to check on him when he skates off the ice with his arm loose. “Stay here,” Brendan says, grim. “It’s better if you don’t know what drugs they give him when they set his shoulder.”

Nate gets back on the ice, but he still looks like he’s in a little bit of pain. Sacrifice the body. Ryan never liked that expectation, but that’s just their lives.

They’re down two but Mikko scores with seven seconds left in the first. Ryan thinks, what if.

Nate scores in the second, or they think he does, but the refs make such a bad call that their box goes deadly silent while Sharks fans lose their minds.

“Fuck,” says Barbs finally as the Sharks fans settle down. He looks like he wants to punch something. “Fuck!”

Fans in the next box over look at them, confused. They don’t recognize them as players; they just think the guys are upset, well-dressed Avs fans. Ryan wants to scream.

“It’s only the second period,” he says, swallowing his anger. But between Nate’s shoulder injury and this insanely unfair call, he kind of has a feeling about how this is going to go.

Josty scores early in the third, and Ryan feels affection, but not quite hope. But the team never pulls it together and game falls apart. The Sharks just play better and it sucks. Burns is even douchey enough to purposefully miss an ENG. Ryan is so mad at everything that he can barely see straight.

The scratches head down to the dressing room before the final buzzer sounds and they’re waiting when the rest of the team make their way in, silent and angry and disappointed, keyed up even after the relatively calm and friendly handshake line. The Sharks are a class act but that doesn’t lessen the sting of Nate’s goal getting waved off.

Ryan sits next to Cale in his stall, leans against him to hold him steady. Cale is so angry that he’s shaking. Weirdly, that makes Ryan less mad. He has to keep it together for Cale.

Coach Jared stands in front of them once the whole room is settled in their stalls. He looks furious, but not at them. “This is,” he begins, and stops. He takes a deep breath and gestures at the team to breathe with him.

They breathe.

“This was a bad fucking game,” says Coach Jared, who never swears. “But I’m proud of you guys. I’m proud of this team. You went further than anyone thought you could go. You played better than anyone thought you could play. Our season ended badly, but this is still a season to be proud of.” He stops. Takes another breath. The team breathes with him.

“Don’t spend your summer being angry,” he says. “Spend your summer getting ready for another run next year.”

The team claps -- a couple of them even whistle.

Cale is still shaking next to Ryan. Ryan wonders if he’s allowed to touch him in front of everyone. He settles for pressing closer. Cale leans against him, but he’s tense.

Landy gets up. “I’m--” he says.

“Don’t you dare fucking apologize,” EJ snaps. “That was a bad call and you know it.”

“Fine,” says Landy. “We didn’t end the season the way we wanted to, but I’m going to echo Coach and just say: I’m proud. I’m proud of us. I’m always proud of this team, but I’m especially proud of us during this run. We played good hockey. We supported each other, no matter where we were in the arena. We didn’t fall apart. We didn’t let Calgary get to our heads and we’re not going to let this loss go to our heads.”

Landy is absolutely going to spend the entire summer beating himself up, but Ryan gets what he’s trying to say because Landy is right in the end. The team did play well. The team did support each other. They didn’t let Calgary’s shut out wear them down like they might have earlier this year. This whole season, the regular season and the postseason, is a season to proud of.

“You guys are my family,” says Landy. “And I hope I’m going to see every single fucking one of you at training camp in the fall when we get ready to beat. this. team.”

The guys clap.

“Press in 20,” says Brendan and the guys get up, start moving around to hug, to comfort, to be angry, to be sad, together.

Ryan turns to Cale. “Hey,” he says.

Cale is silent. He’s not shaking anymore, which is almost worst. He doesn’t look at Ryan, just stares at the floor.

Ryan takes a deep breath and cups Cale’s face in both hands. “Hey,” he says. “Cale.”

“Ryan,” says Cale, finally looking at him.

Ryan knocks his forehead against Cale’s. “We’ll get them next year.”

“How do you know?” says Cale and god, he’s so young and so angry. Ryan realizes Cale has never lost like this before. Cale’s first month in the NHL is never going to compare to anyone else’s first month in the NHL. This is the first game that Cale saw the team completely melt down. This is the first game he’s been in with a bad call that ended his team’s chances at going further. This is his first game with a meaningful loss.

Ryan brushes his thumb against Cale’s cheekbone. “I have to hope,” he says. “I have to hope that our time will come. You and me and this entire team. Our time is going to come.”

“They talk about this team in a rebuild,” says Cale. “I didn’t know what that meant. I thought we could make it this year.”

“Last year we made the first round. This year we made the second round. We’re only going up.” Ryan nudges Cale’s chin up. “Rebuild means we’re getting better.”

He has to be hopeful for both of them. He can’t leave Cale angry the whole summer without Ryan at least trying to get him to understand.

“We’ve got this,” he says. “Next year. We’ve got this.”

“Fuck,” says Cale, so quietly Ryan can barely hear him. “Ryan, I’m. I think I’m. I--Ryan, I can’t say it here, I’m sorry.”

“I love you too,” whispers Ryan, so soft he worries for a second that Cale may not have heard him.

Cale closes his eyes and Ryan knows then that Cale heard him, that Cale knows. They sit together, silent, leaning against each other, just breathing, until Brendan yells that he’s letting the press in.

 

;;

 

Courtney won’t let Ryan drive Cale to the airport because she doesn’t trust him after he kissed Cale.

“We’re both culpable!” Cale protests, in the kitchen, where the six of them are eating breakfast together. He has Kasey in his lap while he feeds him pieces of pancake.

Courtney says, “He’s older and taller, he should know better.”

“Please don’t hurt me,” says Ryan, even though he’s holding Beau in his arms and there’s no way Courtney would hurt him when he has her literal baby in his lap.

He’s still terrified when she glares at him. Beau giggles and smashes apple sauce on Ryan’s chin.

“I’ll be watching you, Ryan,” says Courtney. “Next season, you better keep your mouth to yourself.”

“Oh, god,” says Ryan. “You’re going to kill me, aren’t you? Even when Cale doesn’t live with you?”

“Oh yeah,” says Cale. “I forgot to tell you. I’m living with the Calvert’s again next year. Sakic thinks it would be good for me.”

He feeds Kasey another bite of pancake. Kasey chews with his mouth open and Cale wipes some syrup off of Kasey’s cheek.

“You still have a curfew,” says Dad Matt.

Ryan reaches around Beau and grabs a napkin to wipe off his chin. “I’m feeling a little betrayed,” he says to Cale. Beau makes grabby hands at his applesauce, so Ryan feeds him a spoonful.

“Just because you’re in love doesn’t mean you get to move in together,” says Courtney. “Just wait until you start thinking about sex. I might bring out an actual shovel.”

“Ahhh,” says Ryan, shuddering. “I won’t. Ever. I mean maybe not never, but not for a while. Oh my god. Please don’t hurt me.”

Courtney says, with a pleasant smile, “You are the master of your own fate, Ryan Graves.”

Cale laughs out loud. Dad Matt snorts.

Ryan thinks, well, he might die by the hands of an angry philanthropist and her hockey-playing husband, but at least he got to hear Cale laugh a couple of times.

 

;;

 

After breakfast, Cale walks Ryan to the door and then steps out onto the porch and closes the front door behind him.

“Courtney’s just messing with you, you know that, right?” he says.

“I know,” says Ryan. “She is really scary though.”

“We can totally have sex if you want,” says Cale.

“I think the real question is if you want,” says Ryan. “I do, of course, but do you?”

“Uh, yeah,” says Cale. “Hashtag Gravy Has Cale.”

He wears a crushing loss well. He’s recovered from the anger and now he’s just driven. He’s got a good summer and a bright future ahead of him. Ryan feels the same way just looking at him. He kisses Cale until they’re both breathless.

“Next season,” Ryan says, pulling back so he can look at Cale properly. “Next season is our season.”

“We’ve got this,” says Cale, certain.

Cale’s belief is Ryan’s hope, Ryan thinks. He kisses Cale again, quickly, and pulls back for real this time. He has to go pack and Cale has to go to the airport. “See you in the autumn,” Ryan says. “Or maybe this summer if we can make it work with our schedules. Or you can just FaceTime me whenever. Or--”

He stops while he’s ahead.

“Yeah, we’ve got this,” he says and kisses Cale one last time. Season’s over. But they’ll both be back next year.

Cale smiles at Ryan, as confident as Ryan has ever seen him. Earthly magic, Ryan remembers.

He smiles back at Cale, helplessly, wonderfully in love.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[podfic] Playoff Hockey in the Summer Time](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22001914) by [growlery](https://archiveofourown.org/users/growlery/pseuds/growlery)




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